“Bully Me” Book

Hi friends and visitors,

bully me2For the longest time I have thought about writing my first non-fiction book about my own very real journey through life. I had thought my life not interesting enough for a book, but thinking back on all my experiences, there are some very important lessons to be learned and I have, after all, had an extraordinary life. There is a central theme running through my life and that is bullying. I am different. Because I am different I have been mistreated at times both as a young man and an adult. It is something of which I am truthfully embarrassed. I don’t know why, I guess it’s because we are told that bullies prey on the weak and the last thing I want to be remembered for is being weak.

Throughout my life, I have always worn my heart on my sleeve (hence the cover). What you see is what you get. No airs or graces, just me. Real, flawed, vulnerable, but always hopeful that around each corner awaits a better life. I have, of course, had many good experiences and I am blessed with two great children (now adults) and the most wonderful wife a man could hope to be married to. But even with all the blessings (and there are many) there is also heartache. I have often wondered why I have been so misunderstood and why some people (more than a few) have seen me as an easy target. I guess it’s because I do wear my heart on my sleeve and by attacking me, they make themselves look good.

Bullying is, whether we like it or not, part of life, but whilst it’s easy to understand why kids pick on the weak and even easier to forgive them, when you are bullied by your peers, your colleagues or even your boss, it is much harder to deal with and even harder to forgive, let alone forget.

In my many stories, differences are celebrated and although my characters are in many cases maligned, dispossessed, cast out and treated meanly, they always triumph and come out of it stronger for the experience. How I wish it was that easy in real life. It never ceases to amaze me how much I am inspired by my own stories, as if they are speaking to me, encouraging me to endure. Whether it’s Red Bear, Lilly (The Black Fairy), Glenys (The Little Green Hen) or even Kipp The Kid, each of my characters has to deal with considerable hardship and bullying is certainly part of their journey.

These stories have served as an antidote for the meanness, the relentless persecution at the hands of others, simply for being me. That this has followed me into adulthood is, well, troubling. I used to want to be someone else. I used to dream that I was loved by everyone. I used to imagine what life would have been like if I wasn’t so odd, so unusual, so different. If you met me in real life, you would understand where I am coming from. I have been at war with myself, fighting to bring some sense of normalcy to my personality, up until recently. But lately, I had decided to celebrate, rather than regret my differences, using them as inspiration for the stories I so love to write.

Bullying is a hideous disease in society. It’s purpose is to squash, to push down, to destroy the soul. It is enacted by people who want to draw attention away from their own inadequacies. They malign, they undermine, they gossip, they tell lies and when they are done destroying one individual, they immediately moveย on to others they see as threats. In the end it matters little why people do this. It only matters THAT they do it. By picking on those who they see as weaker than them, bullies gain a deluded sense of artificialย self-importance and status. In their own eyes the feel it elevates them in their small world and they tend to surround themselves with allies who are just as superficial, shallow, mean and needy.

You see it everywhere. But it is online, in the artificial social world created by brilliant minds, but controlled by no one, that this bullying reaches a whole new level. The results of bullying in childhood continues into adulthood and you will often find those who were bullied at school are also the same ones bullied at work. This is learned behavior. It starts in the home, is mastered at school and because bullies tend to get away with it, when they become adults the bullying not only continues, but becomes much more sophisticated. It is society that allows bullies to succeed, by failing to properly deal with it in school and then not only allowing it at work, but encouraging it by promoting bullies, mistaking their bullying for ambition.

And so, of course I wanted to write a book about it. I have made the decision. I have even come up with a title and a cover. If you have been bullied in your life, you may indeed find this book intriguing, sometimes entertaining, often heart breaking but also inspiring. If you have been a bully in life, you probably won’t read it. Because to a bully this might well be an expose on their modus operandi. And the one thing a bully does not like is to be exposed for the fraud he or she really is.

What are your own thoughts on bullying and how do you feel about this proposed new book?

bully me2

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36 thoughts on ““Bully Me” Book

  1. Hasty Words recently had an entire series of posts on her blog regarding this topic and the #1000Speak for compassion last month was on bulling.

    If you would like some links to her blog and the 1000Speak link up of last month let me know and I will drop them in the comments. (I don’t usually drop links, unless invited to do so) Perhaps you are already aware of this amazing blogging group and blogger?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think your proposed book is a first-rate idea. I agree with you, that those who where bullied as children may go on to be bullied as adults. Sometimes people who have themselves been bullied may bully those who are (or are perceived as being) weaker than them, consequently a vicious circle is created. Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

    • A friend of mine told me she thinks the cover makes it seem like a typical victim book, but that’s the whole point, people are victims. being a victim is not the same as playing the victim. Anyway, I think the cover is effective. Thanks for your comments and encouragement. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • Being blind (I use screen reading software which converts text into speech and braille) I can read your post but can not see the cover, so I can not comment on how it looks. The main thing is that you, yourself are happy with how it appears. Kevin

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well in that case I will describe it to you. It is a boy aged about ten or eleven with his back to the reader and a red target on his black t-shirt with “Bully Me” written in the middle. On his right sleeve is a broken and patched heart. The boy is in black and white but the background is blue. I hope this helps you to visualize it and I apologize if I cause any offence.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, you know, at the risk of sounding too personal, would you be interested in trialing audio books for me? I have one finished and others on the way. I have trialed these in class with my students, who loved them. I would very much appreciate the opinion of someone who no doubt would enjoy them for different reasons than my students. I can send them to you for free. What do you think?

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  3. Thanks for your comments everyone. I am considering writing this as an autobiographical narrative, which is very much like a story, but all the key events really happened. This way it will appeal in novel form to young adults and not drive them away because of its non-fiction elements.

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  4. Hi Paul, I think it is a good idea for you to do. It may be cathartic to you and help you heal old scars and prevent new ones. Each time you write a book you are letting loose a bully in your life from your memory that keeps nagging in your mind. It is good to put down your feelings and release the frustration of not being able to fix the problem. You must love yourself more and let others see you as the kind and generous soul that you are. Don’t pull away from those who care about you, my friend. Let others help you.

    Growing up I was picked on by others too because I was very shy and insecure. I feel stronger as I get older and am not afraid to speak out. People see you as you perceive yourself. Be the strong person that I see there. We have been friends and will continue to be friends if you need a friend you know I am here. Good luck with your book!
    Take care and be well. Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. At the moment I don’t feel like a very good friend. I pulled away from everyone for a while because I was overwhelmed completely by the world I had created for myself and desperately needed to escape it. I had invested too much in things and paid a huge price emotionally and even physically for it. I am taking it much more slowly nowdays and doing only those things that help me (sounds selfish but it’s true). Thanks again. You are a good person. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. I was bullied at school too. Its not quite the same as victimisation, but a part of it. For example, my daughter has a syndrome. Some of the behaviours she has been subjected to by others is not bullying, but definitely victimisation. Its really time society woke up and learned to appreciate diversity, not feel threatened by it. Good luck with your book, and I like the cover. You should only write it, though, if you feel comfortable re-living it all. You still sound quite raw to me.

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  6. Hi Paul. This would be a fantastic book to write (also, a book on a younger level for those in school who are the targets of bullies). You are absolutely correct in your comments on bullies. Even though schools have policies against bullying, they often aren’t implemented. Why? Because the parents of the bullies are bullies as well. In the workplace? Yes, bullies can thrive here and get paid well when their bullying in taken as ambition, but there are those in the higher positions who are afraid to be the target of a bully. It’s a shame when people get away with lies about others, that it is up to them to dispel those lies and prove they were false. Ugh. It is a vicious cycle and there are no easy answers. Wishing you the best in writing your book. Please do consider a version for children. Take care. Sending you hugs.

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  7. Reblogged this on Authors to Watch and commented:
    This article touched my heart. The author talks about bullying and how victims often feel shame. Embarrassment and reluctance to talk about bullying empowers the bullies. We’ve got to talk about this. If you’ve been bullied, speak out. If you’ve bullied, there is nothing to be ashamed about. It doesn’t make you weak. Bullying can happen to anyone.

    I applaud Paul for sharing his story. I hope he writes this book because it could help so many. Please visit the original blog post and leave a comment for Paul. He is looking for feedback and opinions on his proposed book.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Paul, I wish you all the very best with your book. I was bullied in school and some of my children were, too. One of my sons was even bullied in the workplace by an employer. My youngest is just coming to terms now with the effects that bullying had on her ten years ago. I’ll get your book for her to read when you publish it. I am going to follow your blog so I’ll know when you do.

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